Frustrated + apathetic

Hi guys, didn't see you there! Ah--- ha. ha. ha.
Oh lord.
I really want to make a new post, but I don't really have anything to write about.
Every time I start a new document, I just sit and stare at the blank paper.
I think I have a serious case of 'writer's blog' ):
But there just isn't anything interesting going on in my life at the moment - and I'm not funny, so I can't write comedy-stuff that will make people laugh.
I'm pretty much in a downer right now - I feel the obligatory winter depression sneaking in from behind.
And it's not even interesting or entertaining, because it is always the same old story - stare into the grey wide open, and imagine that the world is blank and free of pain and hurt - but also completely empty.
And this is not the way to run a blog - just writing stuff down like a diary - this is a public place, goddammit!
I can't even write about my dreams, because the only dreams I have, are nightmares, and not even the interesting kind - just plain old nightmares with ghosts and dried corpses shambling through the night after me.
Okay, maybe there is one thing - Every time I try to talk or shout at them, I do it in German - I find that disturbingly entertaining, but I have no idea why.

I think it might be the school, that drains me from energy - well, you can always blame the system, can't you? Because it won't blame you back. Just put even more duties on you.

But I am indeed looking forward to tomorrow - And friend of mine and I am going to see Rick Astley himself in concert, and I think I might have some fun! :D
It's somewhat of an inside joke between us - not just the rickroll, but everything about the dear ginger-man <3

I'll go to bed now.
I just finished watching "Blue" - you know, the famous French art-film.
It is very good, and I enjoyed it, and it reminded me just a bit of how I feel. Not that my husband's dead and my only daughter too (whose name in the film is btw the same as mine) but I feel hopeless in the same way as Julie. The weather is turning grey, and this morning there was ice on my bicycle.
I'm still searching for the point in all this. I think it might get better if I do.